Camouflaged Pain

Whenever we seem to be struggling or facing heartache, we often camouflage our pain sometimes consciously or unconsciously. We keep ourselves so busy “doing life” just to avoid the one thing we don’t want to do…Think.

At times like these, we hate to be alone with our thoughts. I find that we are sometimes scared of what may come up. We are scared of having to face actual feelings and dealing with them. Instead of facing our problems, we run away from them. It’s not always the easiest being in a place of hurt or difficulty. However, we can choose to be alone with our thoughts and experience and live out those feelings rather than blocking them out. Eventually, after such a long time of putting off, these feelings will resurface sooner than later. We need to come to the reality that, problems and feelings cannot and do not solve themselves. We need to stop fooling ourselves, and hiding behind the busyness of life. These feelings of hurt and pain will start to fester up and eventually become unbearable.

Our pain is not meant to be silenced. It is meant to be experienced and felt. Though we are told to find joy in our suffering, it is a lot easier said than done. It is, however, easier to bring our pain and hurt to God.

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles…The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:17-18



Are we angry with God or with ourselves?

A friend said to me today that, if ever you find that you are distancing yourself from God, it’s probably because something is hurting… she couldn’t be more right. It is our human nature to turn away from God when we are in pain. We choose to turn away and face things on our own. Either because we are angry with God, or because we feel ashamed.

Instead of seeking God in the midst of our hurt, we choose to deny him. We slowly grow farther away from God and begin to wallow in our pain. We become so consumed in the hurt, and begin to feel the heaviness in our hearts. We may not realize it at first but it takes a hold of us. We let the hurt lay heavy in our hearts instead of giving it to the only one who can mend it. We become so consumed in our anger, bitterness and our shame that we completely disregard God.

Why do we distance ourselves from the only one who can heal us from our brokenness?

Are we filled with so much pride that we cannot be bothered to bring our problems to God?

I think the question we need to be asking is “Are we angry with God or are we angry with ourselves?”

When you think about it, and really look deep within your heart, are you angry with God or angry with yourself for failing God? I think we often mistake our own wrong doings for God’s failures or for God’s “so called” absence in our lives. We blame God for not being there, or for not helping us make the right choice, or for not being there when we need him the most. When reality is, we made these decisions ourselves. It was out of our own will. And now that we are facing our consequences and are suffering for it, we then look for someone to blame. And that someone to blame just easily happens to be God…It is so much easier for us to put the blame on someone else, rather than admitting failure.

My point is, whenever we find ourselves far away from God, we need to take time and reflect on why that might be. We need to look deep in our hearts and see what is truly hurting us. We need to cast our burdens unto Him and he will give us rest. God is the only one who can truly heal our hearts.

Whatever it is that is hurting, whatever it is that is distancing you from God, whatever it is you need forgiving of, remember to bring it ALL to God. His grace is sufficient for you. Ask God for forgiveness, but learn to also forgive yourself in the process.


A letter to women of God

We’ve all been told to be patient countless amounts of time to wait for the “right one”. Sometimes it even feels like eternity. I think we live in such a world where fairytales, happy endings and prince charmings are expected to be our reality. And if it’s not, then we aren’t doing it right. We are so often bombarded with images of what our lives are supposed to look like. We all have this expectation of being swept off our feet by prince charming and falling hopelessly in love. And so when we don’t have that yet and we look at all the other couples around us, we begin to grow impatient. We begin to doubt if we are ever going to find the right one or if there even is a right one. And then we begin to doubt ourselves. And eventually, we begin to doubt God. We continue to grow impatient and slowly lose trust in God’s plan for us.

Often times I think that we expect God will bring the right person in our lives when the time is right and that would make us happy. And sometimes, we spend our lives waiting and looking for that person instead of spending that time with God. We put so much thought and effort into looking for the right one instead of trusting what God already has in store for us. As women of God, we should be spending more time rejoicing and finding contentment in knowing that God has something special planned for us, instead of complaining. We need to rejoice in the fact that we have a God who loves us deeply, a God who made us fearfully and wonderfully. Seek first his kingdom and righteousness and all things will be given to you.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalm 37:4


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